This charged question can go so horribly wrong. The answer changes as you mature – not because your views change but because at some point you realize that answering the question does NOT solve the problem.
Most guys recognize the trap: “I don’t think it’s OK for you to keep being friends with other girls.” There’s other ways to phrase it, and it’s not technically a question but it is a problem….and really it’s a test.
On a deeper level, she’s saying, “I noticed something, and it made me question whether or not I’m safe.” She doesn’t want logic or assurances. She doesn’t want you to swear off speaking to other women. What she really, really wants is to never have to wonder again if you being friends with other girls is OK or not. She
wants needs craves for you to completely obliterate that perceived danger.
When a woman loves a man she also loves his masculinity and how it makes her feel when she’s around him. So, GUYS – don’t answer the question, obliterate the question!
Thankfully, this problem can be solved by the guy OR the girl. Here’s how:
Don’t take the question seriously. Remember you’re obliterating the fear, NOT answering the question. You want to come out MORE strong and sexy, not wimpy.
- Agree and elevate: “Totally. I mean, from the moment we got married, every woman I see is all over me–with the kissing and trying to rip off my clothes–It’s exhausting!”
- Disagree and pressure flip: “That is the stupidest thing I’ve heard all day. That deserves a spanking!”
From the outside, it may sound like you’re being a jerk. You’re being playful. You’re devaluing her fear…and then destroying it. She is safe around you. It’s very sexy.
No matter who your guy is friends with, you always start with the upper hand. He picked you. Don’t give the “other girl” ammo to pry you apart. If you demand he ignore her, she’ll roll her eyes and be the reasonable one who “doesn’t try to control” him.
Instead, be his confidant. Ask questions, don’t judge. Be blunt. Be curious. Trust. Be on his side.
- Ask the hard question first: “That girl texts you a LOT, should I be worried?”
- Accept and move on: “You seem happier after connecting with her, I wonder what need she fills.”
- Listen, be open, nurturing, accepting: “Do you think she reminds you of someone you liked when you were little?”
- Compliment her: “She has really pouty lips” or “Her top was super cute today – she looks good in purple” or “I like it when she wears her hair up in a pony tail like that. It’s very cute.” This gives him a chance to say he likes it too or something else he finds attractive about her…..and also things he doesn’t really like. He’s sharing with you. You’re closer. You get him.
From the outside, it may seem like you’re letting him take advantage of you. It’s not like that at all. You’re learning what he likes and accepting him for who he is. He already loves you and now he feels like the luckiest guy ever because his woman doesn’t have all the insecurities that his friends’ gfs are plagued with. It’s refreshing. It’s amazing. It’s very sexy.
Spotlighted Periscope of the Day [#SPotD]: Duerre Thomas @Madpastord took us on a trip to the grocery store…in the Bahamas! I need to run to the store today, too. Any guesses on how much a gallon of milk costs in the Bahamas? Ten dollars! That bottle of juice is seven dollars. Crazy! Oh, I still long for the beach though….
Mark this up as things I wouldn’t have thought of asking without periscope. If you haven’t yet, you should go check out periscope. It is great for connecting with people all over the world.
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